windchimes

i want to get up and go out with other people, make fun, make happy. i
can't though, i'm too concerned with wind chimes. i mean, f*ck wind
chimes, right? i'm awake and listening to cars speed down my street
and the wind chimes on one of my neighbors' patios. mostly its cars
moving too fast. i want to scream at them or throw paint filled water
balloons at them as they race past shouting about how there's so many
kids living here, even though its 2:45 in the morning, and really, who
let's their kids hang out on a neighborhood street this early in the
morning? but d*mn, the tinkling is really what's keeping me awake.

when i do doze off, i dream i drown. wake up wind chime doze. dream i
marry a serial killer who props up corpses in rocking chairs. wake
wind chime doze. dream about an ex girlfriend's schnauzer. because why
not, right? wake wind chime repeat. then my alarm goes off and i get
up and it's taxes and credit card bills and standardized testing and
people dying and sh!t.

and wind chimes.

i don't know what's wrong with me.

also f*ck cameron diaz.

"they" say someone will come along who you are absolutely meant to be
with. someone perfect for you. some girl down the road or, if you're
lucky, the person you're dating. i hope mine isn't a serial killer. i
imagine that would be quite the let down. even by my standards. i
wonder if i met her already. was i too absorbed in my own stuff to
notice her? will i meet her again? and when i do, chances are i'll
get it all wrong. again. i get a lot of it wrong. choices. free will
and sh!t. it'll f*ck you up. perhaps i should just choose lonely.
lonely and throwing rocks at walls.

i hate wind chimes. at least, tonight i do. wind chimes and cameron
f*cking diaz.

ghost