boon

this life of mine has been teaching me lessons as of late. i am
stubborn and sometimes it takes me a while to work through things, but
give me time and i will learn.

i imagine sometimes i can get it right. i am learning that things are
often not as bad as i imagine they will be. i am bad about declaring
war before i know exactly who to fight. i'm over the top with walls
and i don't trust anyone. i assume everyone has ulterior motives.

insert clever political joke here.

but, i'm beginning to realize that sometimes the wind is to my back,
and there is nothing before me but open road. it's been a long time
since i've tasted any success. but, i think i've just been focused on
the negativity, on the loneliness, on the pain for so long, i've
forgotten how to look at the good. and i have to rethink that. i look
at my kids, i look at Dimples and Tiny Tank and Pixie and i see bright
happy eyes, healthy bodies, and sharp minds, and i know i have had the
biggest hand in that. that is success, my friends. despite everything,
i am doing it right. i am doing the absolute best i can for my
children. i am being the absolute best father i know how to be.

and, i'm dreaming again. they hang like hats along my wall, ready for
when i'll put them on and imagine something new. i will taste now, i
will enjoy now, and i will tuck these memories away. time is fickle
and does not stay, afterall.

Heart, where shall i go? i would take advantage of now so that later i
will not wish i had used this time as well as i could, that i savored
of it all i possibly might. what should i do?

i sense sometimes that i might feel sorry for those who take things
for granted. they have only sniffed the roses, but have never tasted
any dirt to compare them against. i will fold the rose of this hour
into my book of days. there might be enough dirt there for it to take
root and grow in secret.

ghost