maybe i wasn't meant for anything big. and maybe i shouldn't want to be anything big. perhaps i'd be best served if i were something more simple, something like a lamp. i think my kids would be much better served by my being a lamp to light their way, than a devestating fire. and i gotta tell you, if you didn't already know, those kids of mine are everything to me. whatever choices i make, they are always made with those three and how it will effect them in mind.
and if that's the case, i pray someday i'll find peace in my life. i can still smile, after all, and no, it's not a maniacle grin. i can still laugh, and it's not some evil cackle.
i dream of going to my grave loved. i mean comepletely and undeniably loved. i want to be genuinely missed by the people in my life. i want to be the kind of father that my kids are proud to have called their dad.
i suppose the dream, basically, is that i want to die, and have people, some people anyway, to believe their lives were better for my having been part of them.
it's raining gently here, and there is a slight shiver that good things are still to come. i hope i'm right. not all things are right in my world, but i find from time to time a few previously rough edges have smoothed out.
peace trickles in.
ghost
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