four days deep

i'm back from summer time, and i'm finding everything is strange in
this very familiar place. it's a different vibe, entirely different
from what i've known the last few years here. maybe my head was in a
different space when i left last june. i don't know. i'm trying new
things this year, but i feel as if the past is somehow applying
pressure to this present. i'm not sure how to explain it, really.

you know, the past isn't anything like cobwebs. it's like duct tape.
it's not pretty and, man, does it stick.

i keep telling myself to give it a couple of weeks. it'll feel more
comfortable once we're back in the swing of it, i'm sure of it. until
it does though, i'm sitting in the same space i've occupied for the
last dozen years in a stranger frame of mind. i keep expecting my mind
to operate as it did, but how did it operate? it's a memory based
solely on context.

i wish i felt more solid.

let me not waver. let me press on, because i really am ok. it's just
this place, this seat from where i am writing this.

shadows linger.

ghost