first day

today is my first day back for the new school year. it is of course a
roller coaster ride emotionally. they always are. this is my
thirteenth first day of school and just like all the others, i
couldn't sleep a wink last night.

but, this isn't about that.

this is for my baby boy, my tiny Tank who is growing big and strong
and reminds me so much of me, it's almost scary. today is his first
day of school in a big public school. he is as excited as i am anxious
for him. he's still my baby to this day. he's five now, and like all
parents, i wonder where it went.

my little guy. he was so sick saturday night. he began complaining of
a belly ache around 7:30. he began projectile vomiting shortly after
that. i spent that evening holding him, this little chunk of solid
muscle because he hurt and he couldn't get comfortable enough to fall
asleep. when he finally did, i sat beside his bed with a vomit bucket
because this thing came in waves. he fell asleep for an hour, then
started moaning as it built to the point of puke again. he was still
only semi conscious when he vomited and he, with eyes closed and arms
outstretched, said, "daddy." i picked him up and he snuggled against
me, tiny arms finding their way between mine, head against my chest.
"daddy's got you, little buddy." and there i sat for hour after hour.

as he starts kindergarten, i know it's not his first school
experience. we've had in in day school for two years. but this is
public school, with much bigger and older kids roaming the same halls.
and as excited as i am for him, a big part of me wishes i was nearby
to pick him up and tell him, "daddy's got you, little buddy."

i guess it's every parent's worry. but he's a good boy. strong and
smart and mine.

I have so many good things to count.

ghost