i sometimes wonder at all the changes that i can suffer in the span of
a day. near dawn, a sort of dread, a scaled down desperation for more
oblivion, before a blaring reminder pulls me from the grey place. i
stretch and feel a rush of blood and swift elation as my body comes
alive. dark banished by the flip of a switch, unaccustomed eyes react, focus,
and perceive a kind of bliss. body chills once the heat of shower is
finished, then it's dress quickly, feed the dog, pet the kids, and out
the door to find clouds, dark clouds. and silence. the day progresses
in fits and starts of manic fevered work and slow absences of
attention occupancy. glimpses through windows reveal the rain, the
wind, the sun again. drive home, winter descends in the form of early dark, the taste of
loneliness. return to the horizontal state, considering whatever i
have seen in the light, eyes deprived, heartbeat slowing. the sensual
rhythm of a train makes me think of you, or rather my imago, and i
slip away, a thing of many faces, a soldier by day, a god by night. ghost
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