aphorism

i've mentioned before that the holiday season sends me into a sort of
melancholy. and this year, that melancholy has been threatening to
become a full blown bout of depression. but i keep fighting it. i just
keep swinging.

i have noticed this year though, that while i was shopping for my kids
gifts that the melancholy was replaced by a sort of subtly giddy
excitement. i keep imagining their bright eyes and infectious smiles
and the shredded wrapping paper and the wild imaginings i'll get to
listen to all afternoon while they play with their toys, draw and
paint, and enjoy with the things i chose for them.

that giddiness settled on me last night while i wrapped their gifts
and i caught myself smiling. and i wondered that love can over come so
much pain. i wondered how it could just make the complexities of our
pain melt away.

i love my kids. it's that simple. i love them. there's no hardship i
won't endure for them, no lengths i won't go to see them happy and
healthy.

and then i began to think that love is so simple we will never understand it.

it is the simplest thing in the world, and yet it is infinitely
creative. if you try to think about it, all you get is a mass of
contradictions. i wrote a while back that love, i find, is nothing
more than a heart. i'm rethinking that. i had begun to believe it was
not the grand metaphysical scheme i have always believed that
wonderful four letter word was, that it was simply chemicals and
filled needs. but, it's got to be more than that. if it were just a
heart, despite the amazing things a heart is capable of, i don't think
it capable of overcoming the hurt this life can inflict. maybe it's
subjective. maybe love is like that for me. maybe it's something
different for you. different for everyone.

ghost