just be

sometimes there is a calm. sometimes i get a brief rest from the
constant movement of my head, the constant consideration, maneuvering,
the infinite cycle of self deconstruction. in those moments, nothing
disturbs me. i'm not thinking about anything, not trying to solve any
problems, puzzles, or quandaries. it's something that just comes over
me from time to time and then passes. small things can trigger them.
a timely text. i phone call. one of my kids coming up and giving me a
hug for no reason. sometimes the moments go by unnoticed, made clear
only by the flood of chaos that comes next. they're not really moments
of clarity, just a sense that whatever is going on in my life,
everything will be all right. they're quiet nature is so that they are
merely segues between one chaos and the next.

they are not pools of deep thought, but moments of pleasant lightness
instead. they are quiet hopes strengthening themselves among the
bustle and hustle of daily busies. they are your heart taking over
from your head, if only for a moment, telling you to relax for a
second, that things tend to work themselves out, sometimes better than
you can imagine.

i get stuck sometimes, in the crunch of everything needs to be done
yesterday. these times unstick me, when somehow, i don't need to make
sense of things, and to just be is enough.

ghost