sunday night consideration

of course i remember the last time i was really smitten by a girl. it
was amy, eight years ago. and that smiting led to a true love, though
a true love you and i both now know was not reciprocated. what i don't
remember are the butterflies and the feelings of being smitten, of
falling in love. do you? remember the euphoria, the essence of
everything in your world humming in a sort of perfect harmony? there's
a sense of a sort of immortality that comes over you, if i recall.

i get impossible crushes on the fairer sex from time to time. i don't
pursue them because they are impossible, and i think perhaps that is
why i get them. they are safe. and if they were not impossible, i'd
lay money on them not giving me the time of day.

i had a crush on this one girl back in school. for the sake of this,
we'll call her jen. i fell for her in seventh grade, and those
feelings grew into a sort of love between then and now. i do still
Love her, and we are still great friends, but the love is no longer a
romantic longing. those days are long past. i never made a move, and
our lives are in much different places both in a physical geographic
and metaphysical sense. but then, i always did love her from a
distance.

there was another girl, a girl i knew as pixie, not to be confused
with my little Pixie the love of which i feel for her, no romantic
love could ever compete. pixie had purple hair and seemed to think i
was the man who hung the moon. we were really all wrong for one
another in hindsight, but when i kissed her for the first time back
when i was nineteen, it was like what S. Morgenstern described in The
Princess Bride. "since the invention of the kiss, there had been five
kisses that were rated the most passionate, the most pure. this one
left them all behind."

i hope i haven't grown out of it. those kinds of kisses, by their very
nature, don't happen every day. but let there be one, just one more.

sometimes i think i don't believe in love anymore. but then i realize,
i do. somewhere deep down inside me there is a hopeless romantic you
can't beat the idea of true love out of, no matter what you hit me
with.

ghost