maybe it's not dead after all

sometimes i wonder if i still believe in love. i really wonder.

but then i laugh with my children, they grab my hands as we cross a parking lot, or they hide behind me when we run into someone they don't know, and i realize that love is very very real.

 

ghost

just great.

just as i'm really getting comfortable with this newish website, i
receive word that the service is shutting down as of april. so that
means i've gotta relocate. again. i really hate doing that, as evident
by my first blog running for like 8 + years. this one has been up for
close to 2. which reminds me, march is my birthday, bloggerwise. 10
years in a zoo, in a spew. something like that. it's hard to believe
i haven't run out of things to say by now.

The Golden Boy and i have been kicking around some ideas for the new
digs, but i want to open it up to you all as well. any ideas?

let a spooky brother know.

ghost

putting in work

3 a.m. scribble

i sometimes wonder at all the changes that i can suffer in the span of
a day. near dawn, a sort of dread, a scaled down desperation for more
oblivion, before a blaring reminder pulls me from the grey place. i
stretch and feel a rush of blood and swift elation as my body comes
alive.

dark banished by the flip of a switch, unaccustomed eyes react, focus,
and perceive a kind of bliss. body chills once the heat of shower is
finished, then it's dress quickly, feed the dog, pet the kids, and out
the door to find clouds, dark clouds. and silence. the day progresses
in fits and starts of manic fevered work and slow absences of
attention occupancy. glimpses through windows reveal the rain, the
wind, the sun again.

drive home, winter descends in the form of early dark, the taste of
loneliness. return to the horizontal state, considering whatever i
have seen in the light, eyes deprived, heartbeat slowing. the sensual
rhythm of a train makes me think of you, or rather my imago, and i
slip away, a thing of many faces, a soldier by day, a god by night.

ghost

fade

here we find our hero in these last days of winter. although the sun
is shining, it's that weak faded light. i can tell it's struggling,
losing it's fight with winter's soft but insistent call. She cannot
just let go. it is not her way.

the inevitable change of seasons brings memories and allows us the
chance for new ones to be made.

mini chapters every year.

ghost

on a happier note

Dimples and i on my wedding day in 2005. 

an angst filled week

it's been a banner week for me personally. i have managed to estrange
several people by simply saying what's on my mind. this includes a
fellow teacher, a life long friend of my family, several students, and
the aforementioned thug wannabees at walmart.

generally, i'm a pretty easy going sorta dude, but for some reason
this week i've been letting my opinions be known rather than simply
leaving others to voice theirs unopposed no matter how stupid,
uniformed, or flat wrong i find them. nature will eventually erode all
the sticks and stones, but apparently words will stay with us until we
f*cking die.

so, come on. let's do some permanent damage. i'm in the mood.

ghost