i'm not dead

not yet, anyway.

i apologize for my lack of regular posting this summer. the truth is,
i just haven't spent any time on my computer. school starts back
soon, and then i promise to get back to our regular scheduled
programming.

i love you all, and i'll see you soon.

ghost

complimentary

"...your mellow, stubborn, kind, argumentative ways are familiar to
me. that's all I'm saying."

that's such an odd combination of adjectives. but i took it as a compliment.

it is nice when someone knows you. it makes me feel a little less alone.

ghost

Label this, mofo

I've had to fill out quite a bit of paperwork this last week, and every one of them asked for my marital status. Single. Divorced. Married.

I feel a sense of shame when I answer these questions, like I've failed somehow. Shame is quickly replaced by a sense of anger.

Why the f*ck does my marital status matter to a chiropractor?

I'm sick of all you're labels, man. You don't know me.

Ghost

A measuring post

I wrote a post a few weeks ago, the one I posted just after returning from Florida. I realize now that i might have painted amy in a negative light. And that certainly was not my intent. I meant that as a measuring post of how far I've come in the last three years, from the very pits of hell and despair to a point where Amy and I could spend a vacation together with the kids and not only be civil but also have a damn good time.

She and I are different people, and obviously we weren't looking in the same direction in our life together. But we've become friends again, and we do spend a large amount of time together doing the things parents do with their kids.

What I'm trying to say is, I love and appreciate each of you who have watched and read about my journey back from despair, offered encouragement and insight, and helped make a very lonely and lost boy feel like maybe he wasn't too alone to carry on a little farther. But I'd be remiss if I didn't say also that Amy has been very thoughtful in her dealings with me. She has never made me jump through hoops to spend time with the kids, and has genuinely made efforts to ease the burden our split caused.

In my pain I have felt otherwise, I have in fact, hated her. I have felt betrayed and used and lied to, but it's been a long time and I've worked hard to let it go.

And it's time. It's time to put all the negativity in the ground and walk away from it. It's time to stop wondering why I wasn't good enough or just what I did wrong. Because, whatever the reasons, it doesn't matter anymore. My heart was broken, shattered, but I'm alright now.

And she and I are doing the best we can to raise our kids in a stress free(at least where she and I are concerned) environment. We don't fight, we don't argue. If there's an issue, we talk it out. And really, that's so much better than what I've had in the past with my other ex, and heaven compared to some of the b.s. I've heard from others about their relationships with their exes.

I'm rather proud of how we've managed to make it work.

My, just look how much I've grown, how much I've changed in the last three years.

Ghost