of sleep and cats and infinity

Sleep is a cat. elusive and indifferent. i lie awake considering the amount of time it takes for our souls to leave our bodies. one second? less? instant death or death in an instant. but one instant is one moment is one second. there are one billion nanoseconds in one second.
    
nights like this, i feel every single one of them.

 

ghost

prayer

i wake up in the small hours. always between four and five in the morning. four hours of sleep if i'm lucky.

i think about death a lot. all good things come to an end, they say. not that things are so good right now. i think about wolves, and hands, and scarecrows, and bubbles. 

i wake in the small hours and find my little boy has snuck into bed with me. i roll over and lay on my side and watch him sleep. these are the moments that keep me going. this, i don't want this to end. he is small and brilliant and bright and beautiful. but i know someday he will grow up and have little use for his old man, so i soak these moments up, hoping to be able to pull on these memories to keep me going in the years to come when everything else i love leaves.

one thing this life has taught me is that there is no riding a unicorn into the sunset. there is no happy ending.

i start talking to God again. not that i ever really stopped.  i just stopped asking Him to help me. but, laying there watching my son sleep, i ask for favors. his chest rises and falls with breath, with life, and please protect him. protect his sister sleeping in the other room. protect his other sister two hours away. cloak him in good luck and protect him the way You have me, because let's face it, there's no way i should be alive.

 

ghost

Untitled

glimpsed in glasscracked mirrors
some stealthy movement through an underworld
or overworld
or between world, You Ascendancy
crushing darkness shining metal
and wings
You Archangel
all imperfection and power
and earthly twilight falling
all ghostlight and imminent
You Phantom
You Vision
You Armor
You Outcast
half drowned in venom soaked night
and indigo flowing ocean of poisonous
thought, You Egotist
sadistic down rushing rebellion
to live
and to suffer
You Falling
traitorous dread mystery
all unknowing, all wanting
You Mortal
You Liar
You Faint Suggestion
You Dreamer
You Sorrow
so lost, You Puzzle
You Divinity
You Enemy
Assassin and King
You Beauty
You Cruelty
a devil in all forms
You Teardrop
You Crimson Drop
You Rainbow
You Secret

You Ghost

welcome

i'm taking a walk over to the dark end of the street. where we always meet. walking through shadows, back where i belong, blending into darkness to hide my wrongs. that's where i'll be. at the dark end of the street.

join me.

ghost